a serious case of the mondays

So, you ever have one of those days? You know, those days? Well Monday was one of those damn days for me, from start to finish, and I didn't even have to go to work!

Let me give you a bit of background info - every single morning, and I mean every single morning, my cat decides that I need to feed him at any time between 3am and 7am. Some mornings, he actually has food and he simply wants me to top his bowl off, and some mornings, no matter how fucking hard I try, I can't figure out what he wants. Probably just to irritate me.

Anyway, Monday morning 6am sharp, he starts fucking around with everything in the bedroom. And I mean everything - any scrap of paper he can possibly find, the closet doors, anything on the dresser hits the floor, he walks all over me, meows constantly, and finally gets me up. Turns out his food dish is actually empty this time, so I fill it up. We keep the pet food in the hall closet, which is a regular sized door. I return to close the door (because he will spill food everywhere if you let him in the closet) and he is in there already. I pick him up, turn around to toss him out, and when I turn around to close the goddamn son of a bitching door the motherfucking thing has swung 75% closed and I hit it square on with my face.

FUCK.

I hit the damn thing so hard that my glasses fall off and it literally takes me to my knees. It was at least three minutes before I could get up off of the floor. Through the gloom of early morning I can see that shitting cat happily eating his breakfast.

Fast forward to the end of the crappy ass day, and I'm getting out of my car because I HAD to have a diet coke, and I wack the back of my head exiting the vehicle. Now I have a giant (albeit hilarious) goose egg on my forehead and on the back of my head.

FUCK.

Finally, at about midnight I get out of bed to do something (hell if I remember what) and I trip over a pair of shoes, lurch uncertainly about three feet forward and SLAM the ever-loving shit out of my hand on the foot board of the bed.

FUCK.

So, in a span of 24 hours, I've gotten a cold (sniffles to hell and back), my lovely lady friend has joined me for a week, I've got a big ass bruise on the back of my hand, and two giant bumps on my once perfectly shaped dome.

Happy Monday to me!